Virtually indistinguishable from magic

There's a satisfaction from working something out on your own, though I have chased that exclusively and really haven't been better off for it. Nothing exists in a vacuum and problem solving isn't an exception. Someone's always provided a prior, known thinkers discussed and collaborated, inspiration comes from different places, and there's no shame in using existing information with only a partial and still developing understanding of it. I believe in all of that but you can believe something logically and still be burdened by emotions. Shame for failing to solve something, disappointment in being given an answer, superstition about future problems in needing an abstract ideal set of skills. I'm going to unlearn this, maybe by appealing to some subtler emotions. I noticed a feeling recently of excitement when I have found the work of someone else's which conveniences me in a goal I want to achieve. In doing that they set a new set of constraints on your syst

data is easy to read (combines with data has visual representation) nothing is new (combines with build against existing work) content is easy to create automate early reject ECS representation last all in one content generation user presented with state in the past, input is pertubation on replay state. ai is input.  

This post is indulgent af, but comes from needing help to work this out. Play, or things involving play: Feed me and keep me sheltered, necessarily meaning it occupies 27% (45 hours in 168 hours) of my time with time. Not being awake included. Provide me with a small space to occupy my mental model when the exagerrated or real stresses of my environment become too much. Is where I direct creative energy. Is an aspect of kinship and is a way for me to connect with others, during isolation and over distance. Form a large part of special interests media, and social media output, that I consume. A source of guilt as a result of the negative impacts it has on others, and the World. Is currently how I conceive I will make a positive difference both to the fortunes of myself and my family, but also to the overall state of the World. The above points are interdependent. They mix both the process of building and creation (making games) and, play and consumption . My use of the capitalised Worl

 I have a big source of anxiety about understanding everything completely from the ground up. It started ten years ago when I performed badly almost for the entirety of my degree. I spent a few years learning and doing, performing the exercise of catching up to my peers who were now abstract and constructed out of all the talented people I met. You read introductory textbooks in uni and start from foundations, so I just kept doing that. It has reflected in my code, since all code reflects the people who write it and their emotions at the time of writing it. This is only really true of the code I write outside of work, where I'm expressing myself in a more personal way. Overall it's resulted in constantly writing things from scratch, always justified as being a learning exercise. This is a half truth. I'm trying to build as much as, or more so than, learn. I'd really like to put some games out there. By combining these there's a possibility I'm slowing down the p